Cultivate

I started reading Cultivate by Lara Casey at the beginning of the year. It has been eye-opening and so refreshing! I've been taking my time going chapter by chapter, and sometimes even re-reading (which feels like such a luxury) to make sure I don't miss any of the nuggets.

I started the year with a desire to change. I've had a rough journey of self-awareness the past eleven months. I wanted to leave some things behind me in 2017- and cultivate better things in 2018 in their place. This book is essentially based on ten lies (but SO much more than this short blogpost can ever get into) that we oftentimes tell ourselves, that keep us from flourishing-

1. I have to do it all.
2. I have to be perfect.
3. My life needs to look like everyone else's.
4. It's impossible to start fresh or move forward.
5. I have to know all the details of the path ahead.
6. Waiting is not good or productive.
7. Small steps don't make a difference.
8. I will be content when I have it all.
9. I can do life by myself.
10. The past isn't valuable; it's all about the future.

Some of these apply more to me, and less to you. And likewise the lies you struggle with, I may not as much. I've highlighted the top lies that I struggle with in this season of my life.

The lie that I've struggled with the most, and is #1 for me is-
"I have to know all the details of the path ahead"

I'm in the process of learning about giving up the need to have a plan. Some truths I've realized is that fear is the opposite of faith. The root of my need to control is fear. As Lara writes, "We want to know every detail of the plan and to be assured that the outcome will be positive and in our comfort zones..". OUCH. So, so true!! The need to control it, to plan it, is based on the inability to trust God. I've trusted in myself, and my own abilities rather than His perfect plan. Yikes.

Another good question I've been mulling over is, "Are you planting an intentional life, or just planning one?". I've definitely been planning one, and I'm happy to report that now, I'm on my way to planting one.

Facing the dark places in my life. Turning them over to the light- exposed and in His hands.

The second lie I've struggled a lot with is-
"It's impossible to start fresh or move forward"

This is one that was unexpected for me. I didn't originally highlight it in my book, but it turns out, it's a root issue in my life. Here are a few quotes from this chapter that I've underlined SO hard they're ripping the book up!!

"We often make plans for our lives before nourishing our growing ground first. We look at the surface because we don't want to get our hands dirty or we don't know where to begin."

God is redeeming my dirt, so to speak. This paragraph really applied to me-

"Before when challenges would come I only had one mode: anxiety. I'd cry, complain, distract myself, escape, or just try harder, thinking I could fix it all." 

So many times I just tried harder. And harder. Came up with a fresh, new plan. Another list.
Some truths that are replacing this lie in my life are-

• I don't have to strive or try harder. Where I can't, God already has.
• I am enough in God alone, not because of what I do for a living or what does or doesn't get crossed off of my list each day. I can throw away my plan and my list.
• I don't have to do it all. Done is better than perfect, and good enough is good. Let it go.
• I don't have to fear, I'm following God.

Such good stuff here, y'all. Have you ever struggled with any of this? The getting down to sowing an intentional life is MESSY. It's hard. It's hard to look yourself- flaws and all in the mirror!!

In Matthew 13 Jesus told the parable of the four soils (hard, rocky, thorny, and good). I've realized that my soil- my growing ground has been really hard. The hard-ground definition in this book is, "She keeps living life her own way. She has it all under control on the surface, but underneath the surface is dry and immovable."

Gosh have I thought I could plan it all out. Do it my way. But I've surrendered that now. I want good ground- "the good ground is a picture of one who hears, understands, and does something about what God says in His Word. Her heart is set on what lasts longer than she will. Her life is messy but meaningful. She is imperfect and covered in grace. Her life is faithful and fruitful." Don't you??

Have you evaluated your soil? I am! Here are some (not so pretty) things I've been rooted in:

-Fear of the future

-Anxiousness

-A sense that there's more to life than this

-Expectations of others

-Distractions

-Anger

Also, something really wonderful mentioned in this book is letting the dirt be dirt. Many times we say what's wrong or in our hearts that needs fixing, but try to clean up the mess in the same sentence. 

"Here's whats going on in my heart, but I've already figured out how to fix it. I'm good. I don't need help. I've got it all under control."

Let the dirt be dirt. Evaluate your growing ground. Once you've identified some rocks in your soil- face them, and define them. 

• Fear of the future- I've given up on dreaming because of my need for a list and plan. Dreaming makes me feel uneasy. I want a plan for our future, and I want to know all of the steps to get there. 
• Anxiousness- I've felt anxious. Tense. Certain things and aspects of our life have felt out of my control and I don't like that feeling. 
• A sense that there's more to life than this- I can feel it. There's peace that I'm missing out on. The ability to rest in my season. Feel content in these messy, everyday moments. I can rest in this season at home with my babies.
• Expectations of others- Our life doesn't have to look like everyone else. I don't have to say yes to every oppourunity just because I'm creative. I can be selective and put my family first. I can dissappoint people to say yes to something that matters more to me. 
• Distractions- I can put my phone down. I can focus on Jeremy. I can focus on Jonah and Sutton. I don't have to be moving to the next moment or season. I can be still and not be productive.
• Anger- This doesn't have to be the emotion I reach for when I feel out of control. Everything doesn't have to come out as angry. I can learn to verbalize my feelings, respond in a kind manner. 

What are you struggling with in this season of your life? I'll be back later to talk more about this book. Has anyone else read it?? Thoughts? I'd love to hear from you!