2013 was the year that I wanted to be brave. It was my mantra, remember?
With brave wings she flies.
Remember the pretty poster that I printed and all of my brave statements? As I reflect back on the year, can we have a little real talk before the clock ticks? I have something to say:
being brave sucks.
It sucks big time. (pardon the liberal use of the word sucks)
There's just no other way to put it.
2013 was not my year. It was not our year. It was not our marriage's year. It was not a year that I will look back on fondly. My thirtieth year on earth just plain stunk it up. It has been hard. And it has brought its fair share of hardships. Financial. Emotional. Lots of stress. Lots of work. Moving from Alabama to Texas. House hunting. Jeremy losing his job. Cancelling closing on a fabulous new home. Moving into a teeny apartment. Hubs crazy new work schedule. Downsizing. Many ugly cry-sessions. Working full-time. Getting dinner on the table and remembering to pay the rent. Being lonely. Being beyond tired for weeks at a time. Reaching complete creative burn-out. Being a perfectionist and putting more pressure on myself than I could possibly stand.
These were all things that I struggled with in 2013.
Not one is glamorous. None pretty. Just dirty, gritty life. It hasn't been all good, y'all.
But, despite all of that (and that is one heck of a lot of baggage for a year, right?) it hasn't been ALL bad, either. This was a learning year. Stretching and pulling. A teaching year. Regardless of not wanting to reflect on all of that up there (shudder), I'm happy to report that I've LEARNED things. Good things from all of that gritty life business.
Lessons that I will take with me into 2014. Hope for tomorrow. A kinder heart. More giving spirit. Less drive and desire for monetary goods. Worldly possessions. A better relationship with my Husband. A need to simplify our life. And, I will move forward more focused on Him.
Yesterday at church, Pastor Brett said something that really hit home with me. He spoke about how Jesus paid it all on the cross. Whatever we bring to the table (see my list above), he already paid the price for our sins. Covered it all. He's holding all of that gritty business in his hands. We do not have to be perfect people. God didn't create perfect people. Each of us have our own set of issues. Each being the key word. We all. Everyone. And, His perfect grace covers that. It all. Whatever messes we bring.
That was so very comforting to me. I haven't been a perfect wife, momma, sister, friend, daughter, employee, etc.. this year. Not at all. I've fallen FAR from the mark of perfection and have just been beating myself up about it. Not getting quite enough checked off of my (numerous) lists. Not being a good enough Wife. Or Momma. Or, or, or..
Sometimes I think it takes a kick in the seat of life, so to speak, for me to realize that HEY, Lindsay. Listen here. Life is full of disappointments and NOT ONLY the good, but also the bad and the ugly parts. And it's okay. It is really okay.
So, that's how I want to end this terrible year of 2013. Leaving EVERY part of my life at the feet of Jesus. He's already got it all covered. There are not only two options- perfection or giving up. He offers sufficient grace for us. I'm so thankful for that. And thankful that tomorrow is a new day, and a fresh NEW YEAR!
Happy New Year, friends! I hope this is truly your best year yet. Be kind. Work hard. Love bigger.